When I was seven, I had an interesting dream. I dreamed I was in a movie theater watching a movie with a girl. However, neither of us were actually watching the movie, we were looking at each other. Since it was dark, I couldn’t see her face, but I knew she was my wife. Then I woke up.

Pretty strange dream for a seven year old eh? A lot of boys may have thought that girls had cooties at this age, but because of the dream, I began to desire marriage at this young age. Weird eh? Matt Chandler talks about how there’s this weird idea going around nowadays among Christians that people shouldn’t desire marriage. And when that happens, then God will let you get married. It’s absolute pish posh. First off, this is basically trying to trick God. Second, God created Eve and married her to Adam because He saw that it was not good for man to be alone. Therefore, there’s nothing wrong with desiring marriage. However, there is a nuance in that this cannot become an idol in your heart, which it did for me in high school and early college.

Anywho, fast forward to my high school years, there was a lot of brokenness in my family. I had a bad relationship with dad because he was never really around and had a short temper. Dad also was having problems with mom, since he was always overseas and worked extensively with a female co-worker. In truth, my dad wasn’t perfect, but he did not cheat on my mom, nor did he hate us, he was just human. Just like the rest of us, he was an imperfect sinner in need of grace. Nowadays, things have been reconciled and things are pretty good between dad, mom, and me. However, because of the situation growing up, I wanted to be a better husband and father than my dad.

In high school I began dating. Instead of finding myself to be a good boyfriend, I found myself to be just as weak and unable as my dad, and in some places, arguably worse. Soon, my sin began to overwhelm me and compounded with the rejections, made me feel incapable of becoming “good enough” to ever become a husband or father.

Of course, this all began to change in college as I grew closer to God. Recently, two songs have really been on my heart related to this topic. They are “Lead Me” by Sanctus Real (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLr6G8Xy5uc&ob=av2e) and “The One You Need” by Shane and Shane (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEYjSQipL60). These two songs, along with all the other things I’ve learned about marriage in the past two years, have finally helped me realize something very important. I can’t be a good husband or father.

Time to be celibate? Haha, just kidding. But seriously, it’s not possible for me to be a good husband or father by my power. However, through the Holy Spirit, I have all that is from Jesus (the husband to be of the church) and the Father (our heavenly father). What this really means is that it’s not about me (big surprise!). What my family needs isn’t me, but Jesus, just like I need Jesus. Of course, I have to be a faithful steward and take care of what God commands me to take care of. However, in the end, I’m just that, a steward. In the end, my future wife, my future kids, and myself, we’re all God’s. The best thing I can do for them is to point them to God.

So Lord, I’m not married yet, and I don’t know when I will be. But, I do want to pray for my future family. I will fail them for sure, but You remain faithful. So I pray that my wife, my kids, and myself may all be after your heart. May we all be grounded in your truth and in you as the center of our lives and our family. I pray that you will make me a Godly husband and father so that they may grow in their faith in You. Continue to grow me in my faith and maturity so that I will be ready when you call me to this. Until then, keep me content in You, because in the end, You’re all I need. Thank You Lord, Amen.